Whilst I gear myself up to write an epic post about the fantastic weekend Pauly and I just had please allow me to rant and rave for a few minutes, afterwards I’ll cool myself down with a large McDonalds coke and go about picking up all the hair I tore from my head and glue it back on and then after that’s done I’ll let tell you all about our weekend.
I’m not perfect, I’ve been told I can be annoying and I was told that quite recently by the boy I call my boyfriend, but I only annoy the ones I love and I try to refrain from being a menace in public (though it’s not always possible). So, when I’m travelling and being a tourist I can’t help but get so infuriated by the way other tourists act. I sit there and I waste valuable moments of my life wondering in amazement what happened to these people, what human being dragged these creatures up and made them into the things sitting in the rows directly in front and next to me on planes and walking amongst me near the beach and in the cities.
I’m talking about the people who have no common decency, no shame. People who don’t follow the unwritten laws of being a member of society. I’m going to do a roundup of some of the people I encountered this weekend.
1. The ‘I’m above airline law’ tosser.
I enjoy listening to the safety briefing and having a look over the emergency card situated in the seat in front of me. I don’t really like flying so feeling like I know what to do when the engines drop off and the plane splits in two pieces makes me feel a little bit better. Today we were on a flight with Air Aisa, we paid extra for the seats near the exits so we could stretch our legs out (totally worth the $80 extra) There was a guy in the row next to us who had his big nose in a book from the moment he sat down, whilst the nice lady was giving us the info on what to do in an emergency – bearing in mind we consented to help during an emergency when we booked the upgraded seats – he carries on reading his book which I can only assume was a book about cycling or some other pretentious middle aged white man tripe. Then when we were taking off he proceeded to take off his seatbelt and lay across the row of chairs with his feet up whilst reading his book.
Guy, I’m glad the only person you were endangering was yourself, keep up the good work.
2. The ‘I’m unaware of my bodily noises’ bastard.
Noises, I’m diagnosing myself with the mental disorder that makes you hate little annoying noises like eating, slurping, tapping, ticking, tocking, dripping.. and so on. One of the most vile noises you can possibly hear anywhere is the sound of somebody continuously sniffing.. *sniff*. Trying to enjoy Amy Poehlers book was hard when every sentence was punctuated with a *sniff* didn’t your mother teach you to carry a handkerchief, blow your nose son!
Second to the sniff, is the snore, you’re not allowed to sleep on a plane if you snore. Fact.
A noise that has become familiar whilst living in Hong Kong is the beautiful hock that people tend to do a lot, most often followed by a spit onto a road or public walkway. I’ve now experienced a gentleman doing this on the beautiful island of Sapi in Malaysia – Nothing says tropical paradise like a big green pool of snot! Welcome to Malaysia, we don’t have jellyfish, we have floating mucus instead!
3. The ‘My ears are too precious for headphones’ pri… ok I think you get it.
Another thing I’ve encountered a lot here in Hong Kong, but didn’t expect it to occur on a three hour flight. People who are watching TV or movies or listening to music on public transport with their phone/walkman/tablet on loudspeaker instead of keeping the party to themselves with earphones. One guy watched ‘The Cabin In The Woods’ on our flight, on an iPad – that’s right the tinny sound of gore and murder rang out from his iPad, luckily for us he was on the row in front so we got to hear it all as well!
4. Last but not least (and this is by no means a comprehensive list of all the braindead fools of the world) we have the ‘Impatient imbeciles’.
This is aimed at all you D-holes who think that not waiting your rightful turn and pushing past us patient folks is worth the 20 second lead you get walking to the queue for the bus that takes you to the queue for immigration so that you can get to the luggage carousel and wait in a queue to get your luggage which is still on the freaking plane. This is for the people that push up against you and stand in front of you as you wait behind the yellow line so that everybody can see the carousel equally whereas what you have done is blocked the view!
All I want is a world where people are more thoughtful of other travellers – I understand there’s traveller shaming sites but I’d feel too bad putting pictures of these tools online for everybody to see. I’ll just sleep peacefully with the knowledge that whilst these rems exist and roam the world and somehow manage to activate their brains for long enough to get a passport and book a holiday, I am not one of them. I hope.